Act Five's Tragic Disaster
by MuddyWolf
Summary: Okay.....here goes. With the arrival of a strange creature, Juliet is turned into a ditzy valley girl, Paris is shown affection, and I guarantee you will be afraid.


Legal Stuff: Romeo, Juliet, Friar Laurence, Count Paris, and Friar John are copyright to........uh.....Shakespeare? (sweat) Anyway, if you're looking for an accurate, well-written dramatic rendition with old-English words. (sweat) This is AMETEUR (insanity warning) and non-profit, and I don't mean to take any other's authors' ideas. If I did, then it's a coincidence. (sweat)  
Okay, here's the jist of why the character personalities are off: the potion/poison makes Juliet sound like a 20th/21st century valley girl. Be afraid. Special thanks to two friends for making this my first ever collaboration on a fic. Hm...I just noticed that this is my first time in this category..those not aware of my awful writing skills will beware now. No stage directions 'till one paragraph down.... (sweat) And that's where the drama ends and the insanity starts.  
Rated: PG for......something......I don't know what.  
started: 3/22/01 finished: 3/22/01  
  
Act Five's Tragic Disaster  
  
by Blue9Tiger  
  
  
Act 5   
  
Mid-Scene 3, Line 177  
  
Capulet's Vault  
  
A trail of blood marked where Paris lay, and beyond that, the stone slab where Juliet was still, was Romeo. The musty, aging odor of generations of deceased Capulets did not hinder the desperate Montague from holding the lethal vial to his lips, for he was resolute on joining his beloved in Heaven or Hell, or wherever else she might have been. But then, as the poison hung off of the lip of the vial, a strange creature appeared, spreading "citoidi" dust on the tomb.  
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Romeo: Here's to my love-----  
  
Juliet: (screams)  
  
Romeo: The souls of this sepulchre hath scorn'd me!  
  
Juliet: No, it's like, me, you idiot!  
  
Romeo: Juliet! My dearest love! Thou hath returneth to me! Like the livid spring that killeth the garish winter.....  
  
Juliet: Okay, enough with the mushy stuff! Where's my muffin Paris?  
  
Romeo: Thou talks't of muffins! What is this strange revelation? Why hast your love turneth to a corse?  
  
Juliet: Corse? You mean corpse! Are you telling me that you killed my honey poo Paris?!?!  
  
Romeo: Ay, he lies yonder, drown'd in his blood shed by mine own hand.  
  
Juliet: Murderer! Somebody call 911! The cops! The fire department! The BAKERY!  
  
Romeo: Juliet........dost thou love me no more?  
  
Juliet: Like...duh! Yeah, it, like, means I don't love you, like, anymore!  
  
(stabs, misses) Whoops! I have to work on my aim! (stabs him in the chest)  
  
Romeo: No! Juliet------her untimely hate for me killeth me truly!  
  
(dies)  
  
(Enter Friar Laurence)  
  
Friar Laurence: Holy Jesu Maria! The chilling potion hath chill'd the blood of young Romeo and the senses of fair Juliet! But.....  
  
(takes out another potion) Stars shineth on this tomb. I giveth her a remedy.  
  
Juliet: Friar, you, like, sure are lookin' fine today!  
  
Friar Laurence: .................  
  
(Juliet forces him to drink)  
  
Friar Laurence: My true vocation calleth! We must be united under the holy Church!   
  
(enter Friar John)  
  
Friar John: Before I eject thee from the holy order, do you take the fair maiden to be your------  
  
Friar Laurence: Make haste! They who wait too long misses the horse and their nose meets the soil.  
  
Friar John: ......Thou mays't kiss the bride.  
  
(Exeunt All, Exuent strange creature aforementioned)  
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
It was not too long before that strange love potion wore off, and disgusted with the thought of being wed to Friar Laurence, she demanded a divorce. However, she eventually reconsidered when her husband opened a pharmaceutical company, that netted them a good business. Friar John, pierced with incredible guilt that he had married one of the brothers with a married woman, threw himself out of the order, and became a speech therapist, to where Juliet gladly visited every time a drop of blood spilled from Paris' chest. Not long after, Romeo rose from the dead and sought revenge on both Friars, beating them senseless until they agreed to marry each other, with the strange creature aforementioned twice performing the rites.   
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Strange creature: Dost thou both vow to keep----  
  
Friars: AY!  
  
(strange creature takes off a disguise to reveal.............)  
  
Rosaline: For never was there a tale of more offense,  
Than the one of Friar John and his Laurence.  
  
THE END  
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Comments, questions, flames? Send them to Blue9Tiger@aol.com   
Thanks for reading this strange piece of insanity. Hope you enjoyed it. Or not. THE CHOICE IS YOURS! Upcoming: ATRRG21, 209.   
TIll then, Ja na/ne.  
  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
